Land of Lemons

I have been spotting for three days. The spotting gets worse. I have a feeling my period is coming. If my period comes tomorrow, this cycle would be a 26 day cycle. Not too bad since the ideal cycle is 28. We definitely did our homework in bed. That's what Dr Tan SB refers sexual intercourse to : 做功课. Yesterday I was hopping so much that it would be implantation bleeding and not period. I would check every now and then that the blood is still a brown tinge. I would check internet to assure myself that there is a high chance that it could be implantation bleeding. Sometimes, I would test for pregnancy and sulk even more when the test kit is negative. Today it worsened in the evening and I could feel my body deflating, together with my hopes. Whenever my period comes, it would be days loaded with bad emotions. After the first few days, I would be restored with hope and the whole cycle would continue. Disappointment.  All those nights of making love despite my husband's...

Despite my grief over my loss and helplessness over my dismaying tests results, I managed to pluck up whatever courage was left in me and looked for my fourth TCM Physician - Dr Tan Siew Buoy, someone that I found myself visiting for the longest period. I was pregnant for the third time in May. I started spotting and my pregnancy was failing around end of May but my first real bleed was only around the beginning of July because I had consumed too much oral progesterone. The sac had miraculously disappeared on its own when I went to visit Prof Mahesh to be scanned around June. The doctor said that my body had absorbed the sac! I visited Dr Tan Siew Buoy the same period I saw him. I was not looking for Dr Tan Siew Buoy. I did not even know who she was. The person I was searching for high and low was Dr Tan Siew Lan as my colleague was healed of her infertility through her when she prayed to God. She was supposed to go for a surgery for her fallopian tubes but she went to Thong Chai i...

I had mixed feelings before receiving the results. Part of me wanted to find out what was wrong so that I could treat it. Part of me hoped that there was nothing wrong so I just needed to be patient. Eventually I had hoped that they would find something that would be easily resolved for example a cyst that could easily be removed. It was bad news, worse than I had expected. HSG - Hysterosalpingogram -  HSG : revealed that I had possible uterine synechiae . Another name is Asherman syndrome or just womb scarring. Prof said that the only way to confirm it would be a laparoscopy which he would not be recommending because it was not worth the investigation. He suspected this was not the cause because people with such scarring, it was very difficult to get pregnant in the first place. Moreover I had not gone for DnC before. Transvaginal and Transabdominal Ultrasonography :  Ultra sound scans - polycystic ovaries    (not surprised since LC Cheng had already told ...

I was mentally prepared for the HSG test because I had read about it online. I checked with a colleague who had gone through the test and she told me that she only felt discomfort. The odd thing about having your tests done in NUH was the fact that you had to proceed to different departments to do different tests. If I had gone to any private clinic in Thomson Medical Centre, the gynae would be the one doing all the physical examinations.  For HSG, I needed to proceed to the Imaging Department which was in another part of NUH, away from the Women's Clinic. I loathed hospitals. The journey to the Imaging Department was very uncomfortable as I had to witness different types of patients being wheeled around in their beds. I read that there might be adverse reactions to HSG such as severe cramps or even passing out. Therefore, I asked my parents to accompany me. I located the Imaging Department easily as I had spent some effort in finding it prior to my appointment. I had but...

I plucked up whatever courage and strength I had left to call NUH. I explained my situation to the nurse on the other line. She informed me that Prof Mahesh Choolani only sees pregnancy losses on Thursday afternoon. It was quite easy to book an appointment.  Before I went to see Prof Mahesh, I researched online and had a rough idea what the investigation for repeated losses was about. When we arrived at NUH Women's clinic Emerald, the receptionist told us to wait outside his consultation room. There were many Indians and Caucasians waiting outside. We were the minority race. We waited for an hour and finally for to meet Prof Mahesh for the first time. He looked very kind and fatherly. I guessed he had handled pregnancy losses cases many times because he looked so sorry when he introduced himself. He also had good bedside manners. Some doctors just know how to let you know they are sincere. He shook our hands firmly and told us to go for the full spectrum of tests. I was rel...

I finally had to return to work after a long break. I realised that my bosses had not informed my colleagues that my pregnancy had failed because initially I had told them to keep my pregnancy to themselves. I discovered the boo boo when an ex colleague messaged me to congratulate me on my pregnancy. I told her it was gone and she told me the staff probably didn't know. That night before I returned to work, I wrote an email to all staff explaining my situation and also to ask for any solutions if they had heard of cases like mine. I had to come up with a purpose for emailing them.  The next day, only one colleague who had not checked mail, congratulated me. I explained to her and I felt so sorry for her for looking so sorry.  Some colleagues were very nice. They shared with me stories and also recommended some TCM physicians. One colleague even bought a double boiled pot for me and left it on my table. I was pleasantly surprised and touched because my colleagues tr...

I was in grief. My church friends didn't know about my third failed pregnancy. I did not tell them because I was so stressed by my carecell leader for my second pregnancy. She kept challenging my faith and insinuated that if I had enough faith, my baby would be safe. I needed to trust in God that He would protect my child. I was very affected by what she said because I blamed myself for my lack of faith that had led to God not protecting my second pregnancy. Therefore for my third one, I decided to keep it from my carecell members. After all, after my second miscarriage, they pretended that nothing had happened. Not even a single card sent. I was really disappointed with my so called carecell members. My carecell leader only offered me church counseling when I rejected her request to lead bible study. I told her I was still getting over my loss. They must be reeling from shock that yes - God sometimes do not answer your prayers at that moment. After my experience, I realised ...

I took the Chinese medicine faithfully and continued the bed rest. My mother told me that she was so fixated on my problem that her own problem was solved. She no longer had high blood pressure. I listened to Christian songs and prayed everyday. I had fear of going to the toilet again. Whenever I peed or especially shit, there would be more blood. Sometimes I even needed to close my eyes while wiping because I would be so emotionally affected. My heart would cringe in pain literally. Physical Pain. I did not think that anyone would understand this fear unless you went through it yourself and I prayed to God that you would not go through what I was going through. Very scary place. Finally the spotting stopped. I never had a real bleed. I took the pregnancy test kit and tested. It was very negative. Actually I expected it. Because I had been testing and the colour of the line was getting fainter. I had another worry. If I had not bled, the dead embryo would be still inside me. Wo...

After the last visit to Dr Loh Seong Feei, I was put on bed rest. I moved back to stay with my mother because I needed help with lunch because my husband had to work. I took medical leave and my boss encouraged me to listen to gospel music. It was agonizing. I stayed in bed whole day while doing my work. My sister came into my room, carrying her laptop. She told me to watch Xia Xue Guide to Life. At that time, I only heard about Xia Xue but never really read her blogs. I only knew her as someone who had plastic surgery done on her nose. In between breaks, it was Xia Xue Guide to Life video that gave me a brief respite from my worries. Her straightforward view towards Life and her brand of humour lifted my spirits. I watched 137 episodes over a few days. Strangely, I felt that Xia Xue was there for me through her blogs and videos, cheering me up. I was grateful to whatever she was doing online.  My sister is a fan of Xia Xue and she shows my mum updates about Xia Xue on her Dayr...

I called Dr Henry Cheng first when I spotted. They had closed and I realised that I wasn't even given any emergency number to call.  I was so stupid that I had not asked them for an emergency number. I searched online but to no avail. Desperate, I told my husband to go down to the clinic to check. He said that there was an emergency number on the door. After calling the number, he managed to talk to Henry C. He told my husband to ask me to rest and see him tomorrow morning when the climic opened. Lost, I decided to call my friend who was also on clomid with another doc, Dr SF Loh and conceived successfully with him.  The only fertility specialist - Prof PC Wong that I trusted was still away in a conference. I was disappointed with Dr Henry Cheng for not wanting to see me now. I remembered previously that my spotting had turned into a fountain of blood that very night. That fear propelled me to think of other solutions. That was why I went to Thomson AnE. Dr SF Loh did no...

I was feeling very lost because Dr Tan Kian Sing's prescription was always the same. Along the way, three people from my church spoke to me about another TCM physician in Thomson Medical Centre on three separate occasions. She was Physician Xia Ai Wei. I thought it might be a sign from God. Since I was losing hope with Dr Tan Kian Sing, I might as well try Dr Xia AW. She was young and pretty and pregnant. Very patient. Spoke English. She said my body was yin in nature and that exercise is very good for yin people.  Her acupuncture sessions were like facial or spa sessions. The room was classy and relaxing. There was music playing. It was the best acupuncture experience of the three TCM doctors that I had seen. The powdered medicine tasted nicer because it resembled Liang Teh (cooling herbal tea) instead of disgusting bitter liquid. But the charges were also twice the market rate. In order to start acupuncture sessions with her, I had to pay a one lump sum for ten sessions of a...

 Dr Henry C was the one who prescribed me asprin, progesterone and clomid. He told me that there was no need to scan for eggs because the regular scanning could be very stressful. He asked me to start for three cycles without scanning. Prof PC Wong felt that I should not take asprin and progesterone but I should be scanned. He felt that taking progesterone when you did not know if you had ovulated would be detrimental because  progesterone would prevent ovulation.  Since I love the idea of visiting docs to find out more, I was happy to go. I went to scan my eggs on day 11... It was 14mm and on day 13, it was 19mm. All the scanning was done via transvaginal. I dreaded having the dick looking hard plastic in my vaginal. Although it would be lubricated, it was an uncomfortable experience.  The scans indicated that Clomid was working. I googled about Clomid and read about the side effects. Some of the side effects included ovarian cancer .  I should be ovulati...

Clomid is a drug that helps trigger ovulation and to regulate your menses. Dr Henry Cheng prescribed me to take two tablets a day. I have to take it from day 2 to day 6 of my cycle. During my first cycle, menses came on Day 15 just like how a normal period is supposed to be and something I was lacking for quite a while. I told myself that it was good news that Clomid worked for me.  My husband was overseas so I wasn't hoping too much. It was a wasted cycle as he had to attend an overseas conference and thus, we missed the golden period to have sex, have sexual intercourse or MAKE LOVE. After all these shit that had been happening, I truly realised why having sex is called making love. Love means love, why do you need to make it? Suddenly, I realised that two person came together trying their best to make a baby - the product of their love. Therefore, it is called making love. During the second cycle, I switched to Prof PC Wong. I was such a crappy doctor hopper. My mother did que...

I drove straight to Gleneagles and was pleasantly surprised at how huge the clinic was. It had a big waiting area that was designed to look like a living room with plushy sofas. There were expensive paintings on the wall and the place was tastefully decorated with plants too. The reception had a few staff manning the counter. My mobile phone had no battery and they gladly helped me to charge my phone. I chose a plushy sofa at a corner and waited. This atmosphere was a stark contrast to the previous clinics I had been too. I felt so relaxed that I decided to catch a wink by slumping my tired body against the soft cushion. Before I could fall into a deep sleep, it was my turn! I was ushered into a big consultation room but Dr Christopher Chen was not there. I overheard a male voice doing consultation in the very next connected room, separated by a thin wall. The nurse was young and friendly. She told me to be seated and to wait for Dr Chen as he would be here shortly. A few minutes...

I was growing increasingly impatient with Dr Tan Kian Sing for reasons stated below. Once again, just like Dr Ang Mui Choo's prescription, I experienced no improvement in my health and cycles. I was still ovulating late and my BBTs were not ideal.  It was dubious that the prescription would be the same for every woman. I thought the best part of TCM was that the doctor could prescribe individual medication according to the body's constitution? I got increasingly uneasy over eating tablets that were unnamed, let alone regulated. I was okay with eating herbs but I really had no trust in those tablets.  Dr Tan's prediction of my ovulation was not very accurate. I hated the long waiting time at the waiting area. I disliked sachets of powdered instant herbs mixture. They were awful to drink to the point of gagging at times. I also read bad reviews of instant herbs mixture online. Furthermore, those sachets were made in China and recently, there were so much bad press abo...

This is such a random post. For my first pregnancy, I deleted everything that reminded me of it as I would cry when I see it. For the second pregnancy, I decided to preserve it as a memory. I only trusted Clear Blue because online reviews are positive and indeed, it is more accurate than the rest and definitely more sensitive. For example, when I  tested positive for Clear Blue, the other brands were not able to pick up my pregnancy. I also enjoyed the plus sign instead of the common double strokes. The only con was that Clear Blue was slightly more expensive than the other brands so you have to wait for promotions from Watsons. It could cost as expensive as $16 or as cheap as $10. I thought I was progressing well as the pregnancy test kit was getting darker which was a good sign right? During my first pregnancy, the line was pretty faint. The doc said that faint lines are part of symptoms that the pregnancy is not progressing well. You can see from the picture that shows t...

I have been visiting TCM ever since my first miscarriage if you have been following my previous posts. Recently I changed to Dr Tan Kian Sing in Clementi as my colleague was also under him. I goggled him and discovered that he was a famous fertility TCM specialist. My hubby and I went to see him. His clinic was very small but clean and modern looking. His waiting time was also around 1 hour. He looked very fatherly. The first thing he asked us to do was to go for a hormone tests for me and a sperm analysis test for my husband. His clinic had a tie up with Raffles Medical clinic which were some shops away from his shop so it was quite convenient for me to have my blood drawn. My husband had to go to Novena to have his sperm checked. He told me that he went into a cubicle with pornographic videos and magazines to masterbate.  The results are out! His sperm was deemed to be in a very good condition and Dr Tan said that he did not need to see him at all. He was so healthy that the do...

Dr Henry Cheng ordered some tests for me to be done at Gleneagles. Some of the tests were on antibodies, SLE, thyroid and glucose test. As I had not done a comprehensive medical check up, I asked him to include one. The results revealed that I was healthy although my cholesterol was a little high but he said that was not a big concern. Since the results were fine, he prescribed clomid, progesterone and Bokey aspirin. His instructions was for me to take 100g of Clomid on Day 6 and to start having intercourse from Day 12 to Day 19. After Day 19, I should start taking progesterone. I also had to take aspirin and folic acid everyday.  Apart from doctor hopping, I also embarked on a research about causes of miscarriage religiously. As my test results yielded nothing, I was so desperate for an answer. My intention was to find solutions to prevent it. Gynaes tend to be silent on this topic and seldom offer much personal take.  After endless google search and coupled with my exper...