Land of Lemons

I wanted to write this post for a very long time but somehow just did not get round to it. I thought it would go well with the Christmas season. I love to fantasise but I have not done it for quite a while. It has been a while since life kept throwing some hiccups here and there. I longed for the days when the double rainbows are painting the clear blue sky with their glorious promises that finally - everything is good, at least a respite long enough before the next hurdle comes along since life has its ups and downs. Take a deep breath and imagine. It would be splendid that I find myself pregnant and when I visit the gynae, I would be able to hear him say, "Wow very strong heartbeat and congratulations you have twins!" (Should I be greedy? Nvm lah since we are fantasising) There would be no scary and heart stopping spotting or bleeding during the pregnancy at all. It would be super smooth. I would love to have some pregnancy symptoms because I feel assured that I am stil

I need to write because I am bursting with strange green thoughts again. This has been such a green week. I met up with my three old friends to celebrate birthdays, including the one who lamented she is pregnant and she is afraid the baby would interfere with her lifestyle. All of them have kids. After asking me how my mom was, they launched immediately into pregnancy related topics and kids topics. No one bothered to talk about work anymore. No bothered to catch up on the latest updates of our school friends. No one bothered to talk about shopping. No one bothered to talk about TV shows. Because of kids, everyone has moved on except me. I tried a feeble attempt to talk about something else but it was replied with a liner and almost immediately, they went back to their usual topics. ARE THEY INSENSITIVE OR AM I A HYPERSENSITIVE NUTCASE? Them came weekend. Another school friend organised a Christmas party and invited 8 of us to her place, with family and all. 4 of them have kids; 1 pr

Today I am in a better place so I shall talk about something that is positive! For those who have been following my blog since Day 1, you will remember that Dr Mahesh has diagnosed me to have high NK cells - 18% which is 6% higher than the acceptable range. I guess I have been avoiding the topic for a year so it did not occur to me to find out apart from IVIG, the other methods that could help too. Recently, through forums, I learnt that Intralipids is different from IVIG. I know, I know that I am suaku. But whenever I heard drips, I thought they refer to the same thing but NO NO NO. Intralipids is made up fatty acids from soy bean oil, egg yolk, glycerin and water. Check this article out. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2265781/Intralipid-infusion-therapy-Couple-longed-son-following-failed-cycles-IVF--thanks-drip-containing-EGG-YOLK.html This article explains what glycerin is. http://www.livestrong.com/article/327146-sources-of-glycerine/ Basically, it is oil derived f

Remember I shared with you about my close friend who doesn't really want to be pregnant is pregnant? She is 5 or 6 months pregnant now. She just shared with another friend in a chat group that she is very worried that her child would be a lifelong burden that she doesn't want and she is wondering if life is better with kids or without kids. I told that other friend that - well, then can she accept a life without kids? This thought prompted me to think of all the not so obvious things that we would miss out if we have no kids. Obvious things would be not so lonely, common topic between you and hub blah blah blah so I would not be going into that direction. Anyway, remember I just told you that this friend shared with that friend in a chat group? I casually asked, "Oh, is that a separate chat group for MUMMIES? My that friend nodded her head sheepishly. So one of the things that you would miss would be NOT BE ABLE TO BE INVITED TO JOIN A MUMMIES CHATGROUP among your friend

What inspired me to write this post was a friend sharing a verse from Habakkuk (a book in the bible), not specifically for me, but with us, as a general encouragement. I find it so applicable in my situation, speaking to my heart. Habakkuk 3:17-19 17  Though the fig tree does not bud      and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails      and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen      and no cattle in the stalls, 18  yet I will rejoice in the  Lord ,      I will be joyful in God my Savior. 19  The Sovereign  Lord  is my strength;      he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,      he enables me to tread on the heights. In verse 17, it is about fruitlessness. Even though there is no fruit in the marriage, no fruit despite all that has been done, yet I will rejoice in the Lord. What does it mean to rejoice in the Lord? I tried searching many websites to explain what it means to rejoice in the Lord, I was not satisfied

Today I reported for work and it is those type of work whereby there would be long stretches of not doing anything. We are a team of three and my colleague M brought along a book, me a laptop and newspapers and N, brought nothing. Let me tell you something about N. Let's call her Nurina. She is pregnant now. Although she is three months old pregnant, she looks like she is 11 months. I am not trying to be mean because I want to give hope to those sistas out there who are very overweight, that Nurina, who looks very huge, is pregnant! I am so happy for Nurina because she had a previous miscarriage. Because of the long stretches of having nothing to do because we had no customers, we started chatting. I knew that M was not close to Nurina and I knew that Nurina just crossed her 13 week. So when M went away to get something, I took the chance to ask after Nurina. I knew she was spotting some time back so I asked her about her spotting. Guess what? She told me it was not spotting! It

Today I woke up and felt so down because my stupid temperature is just not rising and it is already day 20 don't know what. My heart shook in disbelief as I grappled with the fact that this cycle - I have not even ovulated, let alone, ovulated late. Frustrated, tired, ridiculed, guilty, I decided to just sleep. Part of me is reluctant to write this post because Google sent me some password to verify my address so that they can pay me - therefore, it means that people are reading what I write and they are clicking on the advertisements! When people are reading what I write, I suddenly feel a burden not to burden them. Yes, I know, that people will feel validated that they share the same frustration but part of me also do not want to a whiner all the time and write some inspiring stuff. But I still decided to be selfish and write because today, I feel so sad and I do not know why. In order not to feel so down, I have to confront my devils. I shall go through why I feel this way.

Today I had staff bonding at USS. The rides were average since I had gone there four times. The company was good because I had some laughs. Did I just say that? Do I mean that my colleagues are clowns? No lah. I enjoyed the company. One of my colleagues was a very hardworking gal with a heart pure as snow and kind as a samaritan. But she has gone through two failed IVF cycles because she could not produce any good eggs. Her ovarian reserve is poor and her gynae says that she sort of has an early menopause. She is only in her very early thirties! Why kind and nice people like her have to endure such a terrible diagnosis? She has not given up. She is visiting Tong Chai and will do her third cycle soon. I am so shagged now. Luckily today don't need to do homework. Anyway, recently, I thought of a very funny idea. I told my hub that I have decided to play the role of dead fish. Wah, this role very good leh - just lie there. Surprisingly, he thinks it is very shiok. I secretly think t

It all started with some coffee talk in the staff canteen. It was hilarious. I was with two male colleagues and another female colleague. They were asking me why I changed my whatsapp photo into a couple pic and I told them that I noticed that those couple friends who act all lovey on social media and post their couple pics on whatsapp and whatever media all have kids! I know I am sounding like a lunatic but hey, it gave me an inspiration for this post. All those stupid silly ridiculous ideas we have tried just to increase our chances by that tiny bit every month. SO .... I decided to choose the most blissful looking couple photo I had and used that as my whatsapp profile pic. I told my hub about it and he gleefully followed suit and played along with my silly idea. We had wanted to change our FB pics too but in the end too lazy. At the table, my colleague who was also trying to have kids, texted her hub about this silly idea and he too, immediately changed his photo pic. So hilarious!

DAY 1 TO DAY 5 This is the period whereby your pituitary gland stimulate your 10 to 15 maturing eggs. I have to tell myself "It is a fresh beginning and a beautiful month!" Advice for Damp type I feel that my body is the damp type so I need to exercise to oxygenate my body. It is best that I avoid raw food, cold food, processed food, excess salt, too much soya, bananas, peanuts, oily nuts, cow's milk, ice-cream. Do not drink too much water with food. I have to eat more barley, anchovy, button mushrooms, celery, corn, garlic, jasmine tea, lemon, mackerel, onion, parsley, pumpkin, radish, turnip. Advice for Heat type I also think that my body is the heaty type. I am supposed to not exercise during Day 1 to 5 (this is in conflict with damp! So which one should I follow?) I can drink peppermint tea. I should avoid caffeine. Oops I love my strong coffee. Raw food is good for people who are heaty! Huh? This is in conflict with damp again! I should eat more f

I came across this online article. Be blessed reading it! http://www.trinity.net/PageFiles/2551/From%20barrenness%20to%20posterity.pdf

I told you that I would write a post to share with you how to receive Christ. Basically, why do people even consider becoming a Christian in the first place? Usually it is because they have huge needs in their lives. Some people can remain sane and continue thinking happy thoughts. Others just spiral downwards and if no one saves them, they will spiral right into bitterness or worse, depression. I believe I belong to the Others category, therefore, I need Christ. So, what is the meaning of I need Christ? Accepting Christ and becoming a Christian is not about going to church and donating money to church. Many pre-believers have this misconception. They think that they need to be very serious about going to church before they want to accept Christ which is to become a Christian, otherwise, they are hypocrites. This is not biblical. You do not have to go to church to become a Christian. All you need to do is to say a very simple prayer ALOUD with all your heart. Sinner's Prayer