Life after recurrent Miscarriages Part II
In my previous post, I have shared about what some advice that I have received in the past that have made me squirm with discomfort. In this post, I shall also share what were some of the heartwarming moments or things that had been said to me by friends that had touched me and made shit that has happened to me less smelly.
1. I am also on this infertile journey ...
This is the MOST comforting thing not because you are happy that others are suffering too because those who are not on this journey simply do not understand the disappointment and frustration of people who are infertile or having challenges in conceiving. So the moment you say you are also on the same boat, whatever you say sounds melodious. This is also one of the main reasons why I chose to blog and get to know new friends online.
2. I will cook a meal for you
When I was having my bedrest and battling for my child's life, my friend knew that I yearn to eat healthy food so she decided to send a homecooked healthy meal to my house personally. Homecooked and healthy meal for someone who had just been diagnosed that she was going to miscarry was a nice massage to the broken soul. I was very touched. Although it does not change the outcome, it makes me feel better that at least, I have a friend who cares so much for me.
3. I will help you wash dishes and vacuum the floor
I was very shocked that my sister who was studying in the university took MRT to my place and INSISTED on doing some household chores for me and that included walking my dog. She is someone who does not lift a finger at home to do housework. I felt very touched because of the sacrifice and trouble she went to. After my miscarriages, I would suffer from backaches especially when the blood was gushing out of my body. Housework would be the last thing on my mind.
4. Let me pray for you
This is soothing to the ears because I felt so weak and faithless that I needed prayer support after my miscarriages. Sometimes, I do not have the courage to pray or to believe.
5. Write a card or give a book that inspires hope
If you are tongue tied, a small gesture goes a long way. The encouraging messages go a long way in healing the wounds from losing the pregnancies.
6. Any gift to show you care
I have posted before that some of my colleagues gave me Brands of Chicken Essence and a double boiled pot. It helps to know that someone cares for you.
7. Share stories of hope
I really appreciate those friends and colleagues who have come forward to share with me stories of couples who have tried for a long time and in the end, they managed to overcome their infertility issues. I am also thankful to those who shared with me alternate solutions that they have heard that worked such as visiting TCM Tan Siew Buoy, Tan Kian Sing, Tan Lee Kee.
8. Avail yourself - Let's go for a nice meal. My treat.
I am a foodie and I enjoy having a nice meal. My ex colleague and another close friend picked me up at my place and took me out for a good meal. Some days, my heart tells me that I wanted to be emo and hide at home even though I know it is not healthy for me. I really appreciate them for taking the time and effort to accompany me so that I would not be overly fixated on the grief of miscarriage.
9. Provide outlets to divert attention
Fashion magazines, korean dramas, romantic funny novels such as Sophie Kinselle's books, and funny video clips like Xia Xue Click TV, help me to temporarily divert my attention to something else that is healthier other than thinking that my body is too weak to conceive etc.
10. Look very Sorry and Feel sorry
I have saved the best for the last. Sometimes, the best thing you can say is not to say nothing at all, but to say you are very sorry and feel sad too. This is by far, the most comforting words I have heard, validating my feelings. If your friend shared with you she has a miscarriage or her IVF has failed, just feel sorry, look sorry and say you are sorry.
In conclusion
We cannot control our friends and our family members but we can control our thoughts and our actions. Let's fill our minds with positive thoughts and not let it be the devil's playground.
1. I am also on this infertile journey ...
This is the MOST comforting thing not because you are happy that others are suffering too because those who are not on this journey simply do not understand the disappointment and frustration of people who are infertile or having challenges in conceiving. So the moment you say you are also on the same boat, whatever you say sounds melodious. This is also one of the main reasons why I chose to blog and get to know new friends online.
2. I will cook a meal for you
When I was having my bedrest and battling for my child's life, my friend knew that I yearn to eat healthy food so she decided to send a homecooked healthy meal to my house personally. Homecooked and healthy meal for someone who had just been diagnosed that she was going to miscarry was a nice massage to the broken soul. I was very touched. Although it does not change the outcome, it makes me feel better that at least, I have a friend who cares so much for me.
3. I will help you wash dishes and vacuum the floor
I was very shocked that my sister who was studying in the university took MRT to my place and INSISTED on doing some household chores for me and that included walking my dog. She is someone who does not lift a finger at home to do housework. I felt very touched because of the sacrifice and trouble she went to. After my miscarriages, I would suffer from backaches especially when the blood was gushing out of my body. Housework would be the last thing on my mind.
4. Let me pray for you
This is soothing to the ears because I felt so weak and faithless that I needed prayer support after my miscarriages. Sometimes, I do not have the courage to pray or to believe.
5. Write a card or give a book that inspires hope
If you are tongue tied, a small gesture goes a long way. The encouraging messages go a long way in healing the wounds from losing the pregnancies.
6. Any gift to show you care
I have posted before that some of my colleagues gave me Brands of Chicken Essence and a double boiled pot. It helps to know that someone cares for you.
7. Share stories of hope
I really appreciate those friends and colleagues who have come forward to share with me stories of couples who have tried for a long time and in the end, they managed to overcome their infertility issues. I am also thankful to those who shared with me alternate solutions that they have heard that worked such as visiting TCM Tan Siew Buoy, Tan Kian Sing, Tan Lee Kee.
8. Avail yourself - Let's go for a nice meal. My treat.
I am a foodie and I enjoy having a nice meal. My ex colleague and another close friend picked me up at my place and took me out for a good meal. Some days, my heart tells me that I wanted to be emo and hide at home even though I know it is not healthy for me. I really appreciate them for taking the time and effort to accompany me so that I would not be overly fixated on the grief of miscarriage.
9. Provide outlets to divert attention
Fashion magazines, korean dramas, romantic funny novels such as Sophie Kinselle's books, and funny video clips like Xia Xue Click TV, help me to temporarily divert my attention to something else that is healthier other than thinking that my body is too weak to conceive etc.
10. Look very Sorry and Feel sorry
I have saved the best for the last. Sometimes, the best thing you can say is not to say nothing at all, but to say you are very sorry and feel sad too. This is by far, the most comforting words I have heard, validating my feelings. If your friend shared with you she has a miscarriage or her IVF has failed, just feel sorry, look sorry and say you are sorry.
In conclusion
We cannot control our friends and our family members but we can control our thoughts and our actions. Let's fill our minds with positive thoughts and not let it be the devil's playground.
Reading your blog is like reading my own thoughts. Perhaps I can share my story here too. I am 31 years old this year (born in 1984) and I'm married to a wonderful hubby who has been supportive. I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) in 2007, just before we got married. For the past 8 years, we have been trying for a baby.
ReplyDeleteIn June 2013, I conceived naturally but the baby did not grow beyond 5 weeks 5 days. I had a D&C done on 10 June 2013 and it was diagnosed as a chemical pregnancy. In May 2014, I was pregnant again through IVF at KK Hospital. At 6 weeks, there was a heartbeat detected and the CRL was 2mm. At the 8th week scan, the gynae said the baby had stopped growing. I had a D&C done again on 21 June 2014.
I was and still am devastated by both losses and while I still want to try for a baby, I cannot help but fear that my pregnancy would fail again. I've tried to have faith, but sometimes it is so difficult. Reading your story makes me feel as if I have someone whom I can talk to cos we have been through similar experiences.
Thank you for blogging...
Dear Anonymous, I am so surprised to see a comment here because this post was written some time ago. Rereading my post gives me a weird feeling lol. I was so positive in my post. If you have read my latest, I went to consult this TCM in chinatown. She is the doctor for some of our local celebs. I managed to carry the pregnancy but another problem occurred and we ended it. I know it sounds stupid and irritating for me to say this to you because I felt irritated before - better have your body or so they say, NATURE, determines the survival of your baby than to have to make the decision to end it. The bigger the child, it is true, the sadder it is. If you found a way out, please let me know k? I also want to try. Btw, are there any other issues or just PCOS? Any reasons why you opted for IVF less than a year after your first loss?
ReplyDeleteHOW I GOT PREGNANT.. My name is Janet VedalI have been married for 4 years without any child . My Fallopian tubes was blocked. I tried everything possible to get pregnant and nothing was working. I visited so many hospital's my problem never seems to end. I lost hope and felt depressed. One faithful day I started checking online on how to get pregnant in the comment section and people were testifying about how they got results after they used Dr. Oyama herbs, I was surprised about the testimony and decided to talk with him about my own issue. After explaining to him he said I have to purchase some medication from him after getting this medication I became pregnant and gave birth. If you want to talk to Oyama contact him on WhatsApp +2348108264684 Page @Oyamaherbs Email address : droyamasolutiontemple@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteHOW I GOT PREGNANT.. My name is Janet VedalI have been married for 4 years without any child . My Fallopian tubes was blocked. I tried everything possible to get pregnant and nothing was working. I visited so many hospital's my problem never seems to end. I lost hope and felt depressed. One faithful day I started checking online on how to get pregnant in the comment section and people were testifying about how they got results after they used Dr. Oyama herbs, I was surprised about the testimony and decided to talk with him about my own issue. After explaining to him he said I have to purchase some medication from him after getting this medication I became pregnant and gave birth. If you want to talk to Oyama contact him on WhatsApp +2348108264684 Page @Oyamaherbs Email address : droyamasolutiontemple@gmail.com