TCM Physician Tan Siew Buoy - Another visit to Kang De Mei clinic
I took my favorite floral dress from the wardrobe and got ready for a wedding celebration at a cosy church downtown. I loved the dress because the cutting was great and gave an illusion that I was slim and shapely. The wedding venue was beautiful though a bit humid. Everyone was given a fan. Everything was going fine until I had to control myself from crying when I heard the marriage vows "in plenty and in want".
I was so taken in by the two words "in want". In the past, I used to think this is talking about money. Today, I understood it a little deeper - we desperately wanted children. It encouraged me that marriage is a big risk. You have to stick with the person in want. The pastor was praying for the wedding couple and the congregation just said their amens when a toddler shouted out loud, "Amen!" , a delayed reaction and everyone burst out laughing. That was how a toddler could bring joy to people around him. When would my child arrive? I looked to the toddler, who was my friend's two year old son, looking proud of his amen which had caught the attention of the congregation. He broke into giggles as everyone laughed.
His father looked embarrassed and always wore a tired mask. At times, he looked weary and his face crinkled with frustration when his toddler wandered off. I wondered, "You do not know what you are doing. You are handling a prize from heaven. Don't take it for granted." They had conceived a child the next month they were married. It had come so easy for them.
After the wedding lunch, we went home and we were expecting some friends to come over for a mahjong session. As I was bathing, my body went into shock as I remembered that I had missed my Traditional Chinese Medicine appointment with Physician Tan Siew Buoy! I had been under her care since my third miscarriage one year ago. She was a fertility specialist. My appointment was 12.30pm and it was already 2.15pm now! The mahjong session was at 3pm. No choice, I told my husband about it and he told me that he would postpone the mahjong session.
I quickly got dressed and drove to Chinatown as soon as possible. When I reached the clinic, the queue was long. I tried to blog to pass time but iPhone and Blogger app seemed to hate each other. I quickly plotted my BBT chart and tried to observe the patients to pass time. One of the patients, a woman in her late thirties, was there with her two boys.
"Why would she want to drink yucky chinese medicine to have a third child?" I thought.
Her younger son was very irritating. He was whining incessantly to borrow her iPhone to play games.
"Please Mummy, I want to play games," the boy whined.
"No you cannot," replied the mother impatiently.
The boy continued despite his mother's repeated rejections. She also grew increasingly impatient and eventually kept telling him to zip his mouth.
"Can you just zip your mouth?" his mother hissed repeatedly, "Go and find daddy to borrow the phone!"
She obviously did not look like she was enjoying motherhood. Why would she want another child? Was she trying to have a girl?
I was so curious that I stood up from my seat and went to browse the products in the medicinal hall. My real intention was to take a look at the boy's father. I found a man who looked like he was in his forties slumped against the wall, staring at his smartphone, with his elder son beside him. He looked so engrossed with his phone that his elder son looked very bored. Why would he want to have another child since he was not enjoying his fatherhood?
I wondered what kind of mother I would be. Would I end up like the impatient mother or I could be the ever patient loving mother that I always fantasised that I would be? Would I ever have a chance to be a mother?
After entertaining some random thoughts, I realised that I had been waiting for more than an hour for my turn when Dr Tan Siew Buoy came out and told us that she had not taken her lunch. She needed to take a short break. My heart sank. That would mean more waiting time.
I waited for another 30 minutes for my turn. She looked at my chart and noted that I had ovulated very late. I ovulated on day 45. I told her I suspected it could be due to the fact that I had taken Ventolin and asked her to continue to prescribe her anti-asthma medicine. She asked her usual questions (see previous post for questions) and commented that I was very heaty. Every time I saw her, she would say I was very heath. I had already changed my diet and drank more water. There was nothing much I could do. Once again, she expressed strength and faith that I would conceive this coming cycle as she circled the days I had to have intercourse, on my BBT chart.
After receiving the prescription from her, I quickly passed the prescription to the medicinal counter where the staff would pack the chinese herbs. I made my appointment at the cashier counter - which was a month later. The bill came up to $90 over.
I quickly rushed home for my mahjong session. I love mahjong because it was like a drug that filled a void in my heart temporarily. As I was driving home, I resolute in my heart that I would try my best to conceive this month because finally, my asthma was getting better with food therapy (see my previous post) and deep breathing techniques. Wish me baby dust!
I was so taken in by the two words "in want". In the past, I used to think this is talking about money. Today, I understood it a little deeper - we desperately wanted children. It encouraged me that marriage is a big risk. You have to stick with the person in want. The pastor was praying for the wedding couple and the congregation just said their amens when a toddler shouted out loud, "Amen!" , a delayed reaction and everyone burst out laughing. That was how a toddler could bring joy to people around him. When would my child arrive? I looked to the toddler, who was my friend's two year old son, looking proud of his amen which had caught the attention of the congregation. He broke into giggles as everyone laughed.
His father looked embarrassed and always wore a tired mask. At times, he looked weary and his face crinkled with frustration when his toddler wandered off. I wondered, "You do not know what you are doing. You are handling a prize from heaven. Don't take it for granted." They had conceived a child the next month they were married. It had come so easy for them.
After the wedding lunch, we went home and we were expecting some friends to come over for a mahjong session. As I was bathing, my body went into shock as I remembered that I had missed my Traditional Chinese Medicine appointment with Physician Tan Siew Buoy! I had been under her care since my third miscarriage one year ago. She was a fertility specialist. My appointment was 12.30pm and it was already 2.15pm now! The mahjong session was at 3pm. No choice, I told my husband about it and he told me that he would postpone the mahjong session.
I quickly got dressed and drove to Chinatown as soon as possible. When I reached the clinic, the queue was long. I tried to blog to pass time but iPhone and Blogger app seemed to hate each other. I quickly plotted my BBT chart and tried to observe the patients to pass time. One of the patients, a woman in her late thirties, was there with her two boys.
"Why would she want to drink yucky chinese medicine to have a third child?" I thought.
Her younger son was very irritating. He was whining incessantly to borrow her iPhone to play games.
"Please Mummy, I want to play games," the boy whined.
"No you cannot," replied the mother impatiently.
The boy continued despite his mother's repeated rejections. She also grew increasingly impatient and eventually kept telling him to zip his mouth.
"Can you just zip your mouth?" his mother hissed repeatedly, "Go and find daddy to borrow the phone!"
She obviously did not look like she was enjoying motherhood. Why would she want another child? Was she trying to have a girl?
I was so curious that I stood up from my seat and went to browse the products in the medicinal hall. My real intention was to take a look at the boy's father. I found a man who looked like he was in his forties slumped against the wall, staring at his smartphone, with his elder son beside him. He looked so engrossed with his phone that his elder son looked very bored. Why would he want to have another child since he was not enjoying his fatherhood?
I wondered what kind of mother I would be. Would I end up like the impatient mother or I could be the ever patient loving mother that I always fantasised that I would be? Would I ever have a chance to be a mother?
After entertaining some random thoughts, I realised that I had been waiting for more than an hour for my turn when Dr Tan Siew Buoy came out and told us that she had not taken her lunch. She needed to take a short break. My heart sank. That would mean more waiting time.
I waited for another 30 minutes for my turn. She looked at my chart and noted that I had ovulated very late. I ovulated on day 45. I told her I suspected it could be due to the fact that I had taken Ventolin and asked her to continue to prescribe her anti-asthma medicine. She asked her usual questions (see previous post for questions) and commented that I was very heaty. Every time I saw her, she would say I was very heath. I had already changed my diet and drank more water. There was nothing much I could do. Once again, she expressed strength and faith that I would conceive this coming cycle as she circled the days I had to have intercourse, on my BBT chart.
After receiving the prescription from her, I quickly passed the prescription to the medicinal counter where the staff would pack the chinese herbs. I made my appointment at the cashier counter - which was a month later. The bill came up to $90 over.
I quickly rushed home for my mahjong session. I love mahjong because it was like a drug that filled a void in my heart temporarily. As I was driving home, I resolute in my heart that I would try my best to conceive this month because finally, my asthma was getting better with food therapy (see my previous post) and deep breathing techniques. Wish me baby dust!
Hello Hope,
ReplyDeleteI chanced upon your blog when I am googling abt which doc I should go for my 2nd fresh cycle ivf. I am 38 this yr going on 39 next June. Time is not on my side. I am very sure you r definitely younger than me. I had a hard time getting pregnant too. My natural preg ended up a blighted ovum. The first ivf ended up chemical preg. After that nothing happened despite trying every mth. So far trying for 4 yrs. Let's 加油 together. Our children will turn up when the time is right n ripe :)
Dear Annoymous, I am 33 this year. When I read about fann Wong's, Zoe Tay's and now Yvnnoe lim's pregnancies, I was so comforted because they have proven that women can have children happily even at 40 and above. Blogging is a good way to let off all the frustration building up and there is support online. I wish and pray that your second cycle IVF would be a success! I pray that the embryo would stick and develop into a strong baby! Jia you!
ReplyDeleteHi Hope,
ReplyDeleteYou are right abt benefits blogging. After so many tries both natural and artificial ways, I have came to a conclusion that we do not design of our own fate, a higher being is. When both my husband and I seemed medically normal, we failed month after month even with the right timing. Very bewildering n frustrating. While many friends I know with pcos, thyroid problems fall pregnant without even trying. So when a baby is yours, nothing can take it away. Just want to tell u that u r not alone. let's pray for our babies to come quicker.
Dear Anonymous, when you mentioned about medically normal, have you done the natural killer cells test? My condition is that I am supposed to have higher than average NK cells and doc suspect that my immune system is attacking the embryos. There is a solution but I am not sure whether to take it up. Now, I cannot even fall pregnant during my one year break from work so am not deciding yet whether to take up the solution. And yes, I read the bible and it always says that God is the one who gives life. Thanks for your encouragement! Just that sometimes it is very tough battling emotions.
ReplyDeleteHi Hope
ReplyDeleteI think i might hv tested for nk cells. I remembered requesting for all the tests included thyroid etc after my ivf chemical preg. All I know is everything came back normal. Which is more puzzling. I hv read abt nuh's treatment for no cells on newspaper which they featured a successful case. The mum was 35 yr old. It's a tedious process but I think it's worth it. If i were u, I will go for it. Lot's of baby dust to u. You r still young. I hv a strong feeling that I will see you deliver healthy baby from your blog. :)
Thank youuuuuuuuu for your faith in me! May you have healthy babies very soon!
ReplyDelete