The Weirdest Pregnancy Test ever!

It was the time of the month again! Not my period but my monthly appointment with Dr Tan Siew Buoy. I arrived at 5.10 pm and oh gosh! i WAITED until 6.30 pm for my turn. I overheard her clear voice in the waiting area. I like to call it a holding area because it was very narrow. She was speaking very slowly to every patient. I passed my time playing Fun Run and connecting the crosses on my chart.

I felt uncomfortable because I was holding my pee. My period has not arrived and I knew in my guts that she would ask me to take the pregnancy test - her famous $3.50 pregnancy test which I rejected before and got chided. So, I knew that I would have to take the test later and I would need my pee.

Interestingly, the patient before me also needed to take a pregnancy test. I heard some exclamation from the doctor and the patient went out of the consultation room with a plastic cup.

While the patient went to take the test in the toilet obviously, I was directed into the consultation room. When Dr Tan saw my chart, she exclaimed with joy, "Wow! Another one! Have u tested? If not, you also need to take. Recently, many patients got pregnant! One day can have 5!"

I was quite stoned faced as I pointed out to her that there was a dip among the high temps so I could be a case of late ovulation. I just did not want to harbour too high hopes.

The patient returned from her test holding a cup of yellow liquid. She was tall, smiley and beautiful. She beamed at me as she saw that I was going for the same test. Dr Tan excitedly passed me the same plastic cup and a white package as small as a kit kat. She instructed me to take the cup only to the toilet. I opened the door gingerly. Although I told myself not to get my hopes too high, I could feel a quiver of excitement building inside me. What if it is positive? What am I going to do? As I released my pee, I felt immense pleasure since I had held it back for so long. I decided to catch the mid stream. I peed into the plastic cup and my pee was so much that it kept overflowing. I could feel the warm urine all over my fingers. GROSS! I have always used Clearblue. This was disgusting. I poured the excess urine back into the toilet bowl and tried to dry my fingers dripping wet with urine. I tried to clean the cup and washed my hands thoroughly. I secretly thought that my urine was not as yellow as the tall and pretty patient before me.

Eagerly, I took my cup to the consultation room. I saw the patient in the room. I overheard something like false result so I presumed her test was negative. I hated to admit it but I heaved a sigh of relief silently. If she was positive, I would feel stressed to be positive too. The patient left the room and it was my turn. Dr Tan opened the packaging and used a thin toothpick looking thingy and dapped some urine onto the small circle of the test kit. After what seemed like eternity, a single dark bold line was staring at us. Although I did not read the instructions, I had enough cow sense to guess that it was negative.

"I guess you are right. It was late ovulation after all," Dr Tan said.

She also mentioned that the lady before me also had negative results. After the excitement had died down, she went about her usual questioning and prescription. She also remarked again that I was very heaty. I wanted to ask her very much if her medicine had a part in my heatiness but I held myself back.

No matter how much I kid myself, I was still disappointed. After collecting the medicine, it was already 7plus. Tired, I drove home.

The next day, my disappointment snowballed into low self esteem as my temperature dipped further from 36.8 to 36.6. It usually meant an impending period. In my clique of 4, I am the only one with no nice fertilised egg developing into cute baby. Recently, my close friend who had always dislike kids and not very keen on having kids, announced that she was four months pregnant. Jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous

Oh God! Can I stop my pathetic laments? What a loser!