Land of Lemons

It is with much sadness that I am writing this post. I have not been posting for three months because I was pregnant. I have been looking forward to yesterday because I would have been 13 weeks - the end of first trimester for the very first time and I could not wait to share with you my joy. Never did I expect that my joy has once again dissipated into something that I do not even know how to describe. During my 12 week scan last week, the gynae (Dr Fong Chuan Wee recommended by Physician Tan Siew Buoy) found anomalies on the baby's neck, chest and abdomen on Monday. He referred us to Prof Biswas to do a second scanning. He whatspped Prof and managed to arrange a scan the next day. The scan showed that the baby's NT (Neck Translucency) was 7.7mm. This is a strong indicator that the baby could have abnormal chromosomes. The normal range was usually below 2.5mm. The baby's chest and abdomen also have skin oedema (abnormal collection of fluid) which is an indicator of major...

Hello, I have not written an entry since Christmas because of a lack of inspiration. Maybe it is a good thing because usually I have inspiration when not so pleasant things happen. So what is the unpleasant thing this time? I have light greenish discharge that freaks me out! I have toothache too and when I heard that there is a way other than visiting the dentist (I have a phobia of visiting dentist), and the way is "Remineralisation", it worked! I found some home remedies online and the pain is gone! Basically, you have toothache because you have a cavity because there is a hole in your tooth. So you go to the dentist to have a filling to fill up the hole. So, if your tooth is able to grow back and close the hole on its hole, you do not need to do a filling and the online remedy is to eat a lot of calcium which is what I did! Now, after my toothache problem, I have this light green monster haunting me. I know most websites say see a doctor but I really want to try some...

I wanted to write this post for a very long time but somehow just did not get round to it. I thought it would go well with the Christmas season. I love to fantasise but I have not done it for quite a while. It has been a while since life kept throwing some hiccups here and there. I longed for the days when the double rainbows are painting the clear blue sky with their glorious promises that finally - everything is good, at least a respite long enough before the next hurdle comes along since life has its ups and downs. Take a deep breath and imagine. It would be splendid that I find myself pregnant and when I visit the gynae, I would be able to hear him say, "Wow very strong heartbeat and congratulations you have twins!" (Should I be greedy? Nvm lah since we are fantasising) There would be no scary and heart stopping spotting or bleeding during the pregnancy at all. It would be super smooth. I would love to have some pregnancy symptoms because I feel assured that I am stil...

I need to write because I am bursting with strange green thoughts again. This has been such a green week. I met up with my three old friends to celebrate birthdays, including the one who lamented she is pregnant and she is afraid the baby would interfere with her lifestyle. All of them have kids. After asking me how my mom was, they launched immediately into pregnancy related topics and kids topics. No one bothered to talk about work anymore. No bothered to catch up on the latest updates of our school friends. No one bothered to talk about shopping. No one bothered to talk about TV shows. Because of kids, everyone has moved on except me. I tried a feeble attempt to talk about something else but it was replied with a liner and almost immediately, they went back to their usual topics. ARE THEY INSENSITIVE OR AM I A HYPERSENSITIVE NUTCASE? Them came weekend. Another school friend organised a Christmas party and invited 8 of us to her place, with family and all. 4 of them have kids; 1 pr...

Today I am in a better place so I shall talk about something that is positive! For those who have been following my blog since Day 1, you will remember that Dr Mahesh has diagnosed me to have high NK cells - 18% which is 6% higher than the acceptable range. I guess I have been avoiding the topic for a year so it did not occur to me to find out apart from IVIG, the other methods that could help too. Recently, through forums, I learnt that Intralipids is different from IVIG. I know, I know that I am suaku. But whenever I heard drips, I thought they refer to the same thing but NO NO NO. Intralipids is made up fatty acids from soy bean oil, egg yolk, glycerin and water. Check this article out. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2265781/Intralipid-infusion-therapy-Couple-longed-son-following-failed-cycles-IVF--thanks-drip-containing-EGG-YOLK.html This article explains what glycerin is. http://www.livestrong.com/article/327146-sources-of-glycerine/ Basically, it is oil derived f...

Remember I shared with you about my close friend who doesn't really want to be pregnant is pregnant? She is 5 or 6 months pregnant now. She just shared with another friend in a chat group that she is very worried that her child would be a lifelong burden that she doesn't want and she is wondering if life is better with kids or without kids. I told that other friend that - well, then can she accept a life without kids? This thought prompted me to think of all the not so obvious things that we would miss out if we have no kids. Obvious things would be not so lonely, common topic between you and hub blah blah blah so I would not be going into that direction. Anyway, remember I just told you that this friend shared with that friend in a chat group? I casually asked, "Oh, is that a separate chat group for MUMMIES? My that friend nodded her head sheepishly. So one of the things that you would miss would be NOT BE ABLE TO BE INVITED TO JOIN A MUMMIES CHATGROUP among your friend...

What inspired me to write this post was a friend sharing a verse from Habakkuk (a book in the bible), not specifically for me, but with us, as a general encouragement. I find it so applicable in my situation, speaking to my heart. Habakkuk 3:17-19 17  Though the fig tree does not bud      and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails      and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen      and no cattle in the stalls, 18  yet I will rejoice in the  Lord ,      I will be joyful in God my Savior. 19  The Sovereign  Lord  is my strength;      he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,      he enables me to tread on the heights. In verse 17, it is about fruitlessness. Even though there is no fruit in the marriage, no fruit despite all that has been done, yet I will rejoice in the...