Dilemma - to return to work or not

I have taken a year break from work. My leave is ending in one and a half month's time. Ironically, I failed to get pregnant during the break. Although it has been ten months, I spent the first few months recovering from the third failed pregnancy. The next few months, I wasn't feeling well with so many people down with flu around me. My cough developed into asthma - an old foe from childhood who has returned to haunt me.

I am still seeing TCM Tan Siew Buoy. Nowadays, she will say "no good news?" and expressed disappointment if my menses came. I took it in a good way cos she seemed really determined and concerned about me. My mother-in-law has been dropping hints for example "how nice it would be to have kids blah blah blah". My mind always flashes ,"你以为我不要吗？” (Do you think that I did not want kids?". she also expresses desire that I see this and that doctor or even go overseas to find some famous TCM doc despite us telling her that we are already seeing our own doctors.

I was a manager when all these unfortunate events happened. Heaven has been kind because my boss has said that I could join the company again after a year's break. What should I do? Should I dedicate the next few years of my life to work part time and not so long hours or should I return to work?? I am so torn these days.

If I work part time, it would be a severe pay cut but my tiny family of two could handle it. If I return to work, would I subject my body to long hours and many deadlines and projects again? Would it affect my future pregnancies? Then again, I didn't even get pregnant during my break. If I forget about this whole conception issue, and I am sick of my job, should I move on and find other jobs? Oh gosh, what would you do?

Oh by the way, my friends who were having issues in starting a family total up to five. One of them got pregnant and delivered a girl on clomid. The other one had a husband with a low sperm count. She got pregnant on IUI. One of them decided to leave it to nature and stop trying so hard. The other one had really bad news for IVF. It was discovered that she didn't have good ovarian reserve. Doc recommended her to use donor's eggs. The last one was considering to do genetic IVF. Her problem was that they both had defective genes so the chances of their baby dying would always be one in four.

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