Life after MTPT

It has been 9 months after MTPT and around 8 months since I decided to start afresh. When u realize that all that u do is futile, u learn the meaning of surrender. Surrender doesn't mean I surrender to something terrible like depression. Surrender just means loving myself more and choosing what I like to do and eat instead of choosing what I like to do and eat simply because it will boost my fertility chances. Surrender also means acknowledging that Abba Father, Lord, Heavenly Father, Allah is truly the maker of life if He is willing. Recently, I read the Quran and started to pray addressing the maker of life as Allah. I am thankful that  He answered my prayers and performed  miracles. That being said, this post is not supposed to be a religious post but more to share how I have been. 

What I am no longer ...
I am no longer emotionally attached to my losses. I used to miss my unborn fertilized eggs and would tear but now I don't. I am not heartless. I am more detached and view them as unfortunate events. I did something symbolic. We used to name them as what some internet suggested but it made me more attached. One day, I threw away a T-shirt PJ with farm animals that we used to symbolize them. Creepy but yes, every couple has their weird coping mechanism. The bible is so quiet about unborn souls but the internet is not. My favourite theory is the one about everyone of us is a soul learning lessons. Sometimes our life is so short because that's what the soul requires at that period. Other times our life is so long cos the soul has to take that length of time to finish its business on earth. Every soul knows its maker and vice versa. 

I am no longer drinking yucky TCM medicine. Once I am off it, I realized how much I have loathed it. But I still have to credit it for removing my menstrual cramps and weird black clots. 

I am no longer super sensitive to mummies' talk. If I am not interested in the topic, I will just move on or if the other party is only interested in mummies talk, I might not meet the person so frequently cos frequency not the same mah. Bottom line is that I do not feel emo about it. 

What I am now...

I try to host gatherings at my place so that I have lotsa of healthy things to occupy my mind. Thinking about what to cook, tidying my house, can take up the whole day. Exhausting but better than idling. Oh I also realized that preparing what to wear is also not easy. If u r going out for dinner with friends, you can put on make up and wear that pretty new dress that makes u look slimmer. But if I am at home hosting, it's so weird to wear too nice. It's even weirder to put make up cos that will show how insecure u r about your skin. So i carefully chose a T shirt that doesn't look too PJ, blew my hair and applied eye cream, slapped on clarins treatment oil that will give a glow to my face. Lastly, apply some natural gloss on my dry and tired lips. 

I am still exercising regularly! The haze stopped me for a while but now the momentum is back! I enjoy running like a turtle and listening to my Spotify songs. Yes, I am one of those stupid consumers who pay Spotify 12 bucks every month so that I can listen to the selected music offline. When I do something stupid like this, I always comfort myself that I am rewarding the company for coming up with such a good idea. 

I am still attempting to make new friends but I realised that the older I am, the harder the task. But then again, meeting up with people always gives u a fresh perspective about life. 

I am still reading. Sophie k's new shopaholic big book is out! Once again, I paid a lot more for the big book and I told myself she has to be rewarded for writing such funny stories to cheer women up. Truth is I just don't have the patience to wait for the small paperback.
 
I am turning into a shopaholic. I am addicted to bargains big and small. My wardrobe is bursting. I am even thinking of setting up another blog to sell off my clothes. I know about carousell but I have always dreamt about having my own fashion blog. 

Lastly, although emotionally, I am better. It doesn't mean I feel nothing. When I see friends with big kids, I still go, " oh how I wish I have gone down the normal way too - find a BF, get married, have kids, raised them and then have grand kids and finally kiss goodbye to earth." But it will not bother me the whole day and give me an insatiable need to blog the bad vibes away, just a fleeting moment. 

I do entertain strange thoughts. Since I am not going down the normal path anyway, why not just do something drastic... Quit my job, leave Singapore and do something really extraordinary. 




Comments

  1. laya30 July 2019 at 02:01

    Thanks for posting. This is the fertility blog featuring pregnancy losses.Gynecologist In Medavakkam and Gynecologist In Madipakkam will give you the best treatment, they are focused in your health and comfort. You should look over the best infrastructure where you can adapt without any problem like cm hospital.

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  2. Anonymous2 November 2019 at 06:37

    hello everyone, i am here to share my story on how conceived my baby. i have been married to my husband for years without no baby. i had problems with my in-laws about this, even my husband started to have new affairs aside our marriage. it was a very terrible thing to bear. i cried all the time , i became a laughing stock among my friends,i was now seen as always unhappy. after many infertility treatment and there is no way. i took it as i was born barren and i accepted every challenge that comes my way. i was even ready to pack out of my marital home and stay on my own because my husband was not given me any attention that i needed from him. i decided to focus on my job and try to live happy on my own.on this faithful day, i decided to check the net for updates on healthy living and i came across a story of a woman who native IYa Hindi herbal helped to conceive a baby. i decided to put a try because this has been my greatest problem in life. IYa Hindi herbal made a spiritual native medicine for me and within 5 days i conceive of my daughter, today i am a proud mom. words will not be enough to explained what IYa Hindi herbal did for me. pregnancy medicine for me and i am a happy mother,i know there is someone in same condition and you feel there is no way. i urge you to contact IYa Hindi herbal, this is the contact email: hindinative@yahoo.com via WhatsApp messenger +19145295224 visits his register website: https://iyahindinative.com/

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  3. Anonymous11 January 2020 at 05:09

    What a wonderful and a straight forward spell caster that has brought back joy and happiness into my life! Am giving this testimony because am so happy, I want to thank Dr. Osasu for the great thing He has done in my life , He brought happiness back to my life, I never believed in spell casters until my life fell apart when my lover of 6 years decided to call it quit almost when we wanted to get married. I was so emotional breakdown to the extent i could not do anything reasonable again, after 2months in pain before an old friend of mine introduced me to a spell caster on line called Dr Osasu, this was after I have been scammed by various fake spell casters. I was introduced me to Dr Osasu a true Spell Caster. In less than 24 hours i saw wonders, my lover came back to me and my life got back just like a completed puzzle, and after 1month later we got married and it was just like a dream to me because i thought i had lost him forever. Thank you Dr. Osasu for helping me but most of all, Your Honesty and Fast Accurate Results. email: Drosasu25@gmail.com WhatsApp Number: +2347064365391

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  4. Anonymous11 October 2023 at 12:25

    Happy to hear that you’re healing ❤️‍🩹 God will give you what he wants when you’re ready. He has far more better plans than us. Jiayou!!!

    ReplyDelete

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