Land of Lemons

It all started with me reading "The Brightest Star in the Sky" by Marian Keyes. The baby spirit was in a block of apartments choosing which couple it wants to be its parents. It observes the vibrations from their heart and the love they feel for each other. Curious, I went to research on baby spirit and heart vibrations. It turned out that this stemmed from psychics' readings about soul lessons and babies choosing their parents to fulfil some life lessons. This is one way to explain a verse in the bible in which God said that He knew us before we were even formed in the wombs. After reading about heart vibrations, I felt like I was jolted awake from a long nightmare - the past few years of TTC seemed like a horrifying nightmare. I think I have finally reached my saturation point - don't think I want to try anymore. The thought of being pregnant, labour and days of taking care of a child suddenly seemed very undesirable. So why would I suddenly think this way? The ...

In a flash, you and I, are in May. We are approaching the halfway mark of 2015 and I could not help but wonder, 2015 once again, is not The Year. No matter how hard my heart longs for each passing year to be The Year, every year turns out to be a continuous cycle of renewal of hope. I am trying to find a new blog title because I am so sick of hoping. It means that I haven't arrived. But what, I have yet to come up with anything meaningful. I have not written for some weeks because I have not mustered up anything positive to share with you. Sometimes, I feel that I am such a drag if I continue to air my grievances online. Or maybe, I am sick of myself. Finally ... something nice to write about. I broke the cycle of falling ill, recovering and falling ill. Strangely, it happened after my pastor told me to not have high expectations on my wounded physical body. I slept better too. I also changed the cover page of my blog. After such a painful experience, I need to start afresh f...